Sense in..

Do you ever feel that sometimes, you wish things will just stay as it is? When you're having fun, it's always as if it is so ephermeral. You would want to grasp the moments by your side and wish you can absorb the feeling and somehow when time passes by, you can just bring it back instantly...

Right now, I'm planning for different vacation leaves. And though I know, it will definitely bore a hole in my pocket, I still want to go. I want to be in that state where I can't think about other things that will make me wish life can be easier. I'm not melancholic nor depress, but sometimes, I do feel very empty. It might seem that all my philosophy in life have this selfish thought of wanting to be happy for myself. Is it human nature.....to be selfish?

I want many things in life...But last Sunday Mass made me realize something (it has been a long time since I attended one) After the mass, there was a lady who spoke about her missionary work in the Philippines (it wasn't really new anymore since it's my hometown). But what really bothered me is that why can't I be selfless like her? I mean, volunteering your time and efforts but not feeling the burden of it. I did went to several charity works for my college organization and also some subject requirements, I don't feel so passionate about it though. Is it because we are often thinking we haven't reached our own eternal joy/ bliss so you can't give this to other people?

I actually envy her...she found joy in her life.

I'm still waiting for my own calling. Maybe one day, I can be selfless. I sometimes ask my friends if I'm good...Good is relative.

If I make other feel better, am I good? If I treat everyone fair, am I good? If I give alms to the poor, am I good? If I am friendly with everyone, am I good?

Maybe next time, I would be able to know the answer. Just like the song, "Some day you'll know". Problem is, I want to know now! Oh well......Patience is virtue.